Dating someone with a baby
And on a more optimistic note, you may find that things are better than you anticipate. Maybe that’s something you’ll only learn if you invest a few more months getting to know him. But there is joy and love and happiness to be had in the complicated and messy layers of real life. It may just bring you the kind of happiness you always imagined, even if it isn’t packaged the way you thought it would be.
Maybe the baby will bring joy to your life you never bothered to imagine in your fantasy world because this isn’t the traditional picture of happiness you’ve seen before. And maybe you’ll find he’s exactly the man for you even though his reality is more complicated than what you pictured for yourself. There’s richness to embrace and lessons to learn, even in heartbreak. Don’t not live because you’re afraid of getting hurt.
The idea of him being there when she gives birth, not having as much availability for me (selfish, I know, but reality), a significant amount of income going to meet the baby’s needs, etc. He is a great guy, and if it weren’t for this situation, I would be in 7th heaven. Most people, when they fantasize about the person they’ll potentially spend their lives with, don’t imagine a person who is expecting a baby with someone else. Most people also don’t imagine in their fantasies people who have been twice divorced and have kids with multiple parents, or partners with enormous student loans, or spouses who get cancer, or people who struggle with mental illness or can’t hold a job or are deployed every other year. It’s scary if you’re dating a man who’s expecting a baby with someone else, and it’s scary if you’re married and expecting a baby with your spouse and hoping for a healthy child.
But we don’t live our lives in fantasies, we live them in reality where people have stuff they deal with — stuff like exes, and illness, and aging parents, and surprise babies with people they aren’t even dating. The unknown is scary, especially when the stakes — like love and health and family — are so high.
I’m trying to be understanding and supportive, but the reality is, I’m petrified.