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You just simply enjoy them as a person and you’re happy with them just being who they are. Again, I have to emphasize that it’s Fixation, on the other hand, does not feel pleasant.

It does not feel good, but it does feel very urgent, very important, and very stressful.

I don’t care if you have a million songs on your i Pod.

I blame music and Hollywood for propagating this mindset, but for whatever reason, people today have the idea that relationships are supposed to be hard.

MORE: How to Have a Healthy Relationship This simply is not true.

A relationship is not a possession, like a stone or a purse or a car. A relationship is simply the interaction you’re having with that person as it’s happening and the general, overall tone of your interactions. Society doesn’t see relationships this way, for the most part. Relationships are living and experienced in-the-moment, like music. If it’s sitting on your MP3 player and you’re not playing it, then it is simply data.

Our society tries to make relationships into a thing – a thing that can be worked on, fixed or broken. You can say you have the song or own it, but saying you have a song on your i Pod has nothing to do with your experience of the song as it’s playing.

If a relationship with someone makes you feel bad, that is your mind screaming, “This person is incompatible with you! ” If a relationship feels like suffocation, that’s a huge clue that you’re not in a relationship with someone who’s compatible with you. In a good relationship, everything just unfolds effortlessly (well, 99% of the time within a good relationship is effortless with the occasional 1% of the time where you have to put in the effort to make sure things stay in a good place).

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